Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
