i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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