I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
