He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
