Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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