my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
