You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
