People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
