Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
