I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
