Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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