I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Come share oat with me in your robe
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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