I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
