You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
