I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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