and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
