Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
