I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
