Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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