remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
