I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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