Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dick very happy bro
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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