My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
