Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
