You can't motorboat a personality
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
