Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
