Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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