her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
