Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
