I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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