Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
