There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
