I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
