well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
