i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
