why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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