So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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