sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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