so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
