hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
