What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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