i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
