U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
