So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
