Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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