Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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