I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
