Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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