Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
