this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
