What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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