either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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