i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
